Josh Yovich
English 1100
Page Response
September 1, 2014
The
people that define me as who I truly am is my close family. Not just one person
can shape me into the person that I am which a strong and independent young man.
I also am very self-reliant and I care about others very much especially my
younger cousins, mom, aunt and best friends. Each member of my immediate family
have taught me something about myself no matter if they were older or younger,
they still taught me a life lesson. My mom taught me all my life to be a strong
young man who is independent as I have no other siblings I was by myself most
of the time since both of my parents worked so I had to go out and make
friends. If I had problems in class or back in my town I would have to solve
them myself since I only had myself to rely on and that is why I am a leader
figure in my family. My younger cousin Adam has taught me to be a role model to
him and also to look over him and protect him from other dangers out in this
world. The other cousin I have, Felissa, is very much younger and much more immature
than Adam is. Therefore, I have to keep an eye out for her and look out over
her because she always ends up getting in some sort of trouble. Also since they
are the only family I necessarily have I definitely will watch over them. The
rest of my family is very far spread out and they do not communicate with my
mom or me. This also helped shape me into the person I am because I am very
wary of other people because I do not trust anyone unless I am best friends
with them and I witness them doing something specific which gains my trust.
They also have to be my immediate family to also have my trust. Because the
rest of my family is all lying, cheating and conniving people who I Do not want
to associate myself or anyone else I know with. Throughout all my life the only
people that have truly been there for me and understood me were my mom, cousins
and Aunt. I am very thankful to have such a great and understanding family who
all have helped me grow into the person that I am today and I will continue through
this journey of life with them by my side.
Josh, I'm glad family is important to you, but how do they make up your identity? Where in your paper have you said exactly *why* or *how* they make up you identity? In Gloria Anzaldua's essay, she gives specific examples of why her language is important to her and how. Can you do the same?
ReplyDeleteWhen you mention your cousins, you tell your reader that you must have a positive influence on them without necessarily telling them *how* they make up your identity. You must change that in order to receive credit.
Moreover, where in your current draft have you provided specific references back to the text? Use the introduction from class as an example of what you should do.
Also, when you mention your friends and being weary of trusting them, you don't tell your reader how they shaped your identity as much as you tell your reader what *you've* done. You must switch this.
This assignment is asking you to define identity and its importance. It is also asking you to borrow information from McBride and/or Anzaldua to substantiate your claims. You must do this.
Does this make sense?